Providence

Providence. I’d be pressed to find a word more beautiful. In a way, it is the color that brings all things to life. Until we have a chance to experience its absence, we seldom notice its necessity.

 

At 25 years old, raising funds to move to Thailand and teach was the biggest challenge I had ever faced. Even more than the humility and rejection we’d often felt when asking for donations, I really struggled with doubting God. Doubting that He would provide. Doubting that He cared enough to give me what I needed. A constant thought that kept me going was it will soon be over. This will only last until we’ve raised enough to leave for Chiang Mai. However, the lesson in security and humility had just begun.

 

Since reaching Thailand, we’ve often found ourselves in challenging financial situations. During these periods of uncertainty, I can attest to the fact that I know the Lord hears me. I just don't always believe He will choose to provide. My mind works like this: I can barely be considered a Christian worker. I constantly find myself doubting the Father’s promises. After years of following Christ, I still wrestle with my sin, pride and disbelief, among other things. How do I deserve His attention and aid? Instead of waiting for Him to meet our needs, I found myself scrambling for excuses. I felt He'd not held up His end of the deal and that it was my fault. Surely I messed up somewhere along the way and made Him change His mind. But God has never and will never need us to cover for Him. He is never too preoccupied to notice. Nothing ever slips His mind. 

 

What do you do when you don't have enough money to buy food for dinner? What do you do when you don't have enough gas in the motorbike to get to school the next morning? New challenges, unprecedented and unimagined, arose while in Thailand. Each time, my cry came from a deeper and deeper pit of despondency. And yet my soul was crushed by the thoughts of people following Christ all around the world who still go hungry and sleep on the streets. Why would God want to provide for me when I go home to a warm house each night? How could I be so selfish? I am unworthy.

 

Nearly a month ago, we faced a greater financial need. The window of time was small and barely afforded us the opportunity to communicate with friends and loved ones back home. My immediate reaction was hopelessness.

 

In my time of need, as far as I can tell, God’s desire was that I reach a state of brokenness. Then I would honestly ask for help and trust while waiting. All I had to do was ask ...trust ...wait. And I couldn't even bring myself to do that. But I did manage the asking part. This time, while I was asking for intervention, I also asked for the faith I needed to trust His timing and His ways. Even though it only seemed to last for a short while, I looked at our situation and the future without fear. I had hope and peace that He would finish what He’d started in us.

 

If you’ve known the Lord for long, you can guess what happened next. The money arrived. That and more - provision for our physical needs and the faith I needed to let go of my surroundings and trust.

 

During our high school chapel at school this week, instead of having a typical message shared by an adult in the community, students walked up to the microphone one-by-one and shared verses and poems exalting God. I love that word, exalting. You can give praise to your boss and you can worship the Red Sox, but you only exalt God. In chapel, I had a moment of clarity. In the last three years, while support raising, arriving in Thailand, and fulfilling our commitment to love and serve our students and their families, we had never truly been without. I don’t know what happened those nights we didn’t have the money for food, or those mornings we didn’t have the money for gas, but somehow we’d never missed a meal and never been without transportation.

 

In the Old Testament, Israel left a pile of stones along the Jordan as a reminder of God’s faithfulness. In this way, they’d created a memento for future moments of weakness. A remembrance that what He said He will do, He will actually do. I have learned this lesson many, many times. But I am always forgetting. So, today this post is my pile of stones. A reminder that He has proved Himself faithful again.  

 

Who am I that He is reminded of me? Much less, cares for me and my every need? Who am I to be created by so great a God and my every cry heard and often answered? This extraordinary knowledge is beyond me. It is too lofty for me. I am unable to reach it.

 

30 Before 30

Recently I've enjoyed teaching my psychology students the importance of deciding who they want  to be and what they want for their lives now. In doing so, we've attempted several activities aimed at helping them flesh out the things they want to achieve in the coming years. One medium I'm using is the creation of a 30 before 30 list. Being so close to my own milestone, I began to create my own list and found interesting characteristics about me I hadn't realized were there. I also learned that I desire more out of life than what I'm currently receiving. So, whether it's a 30 before 30, a 50 before 50 or a 10 things I should never be found guilty of after 42, a list like this can change your perspective on life.

To say I'm a goal-oriented person might be an understatement. In fact, my personality type, which is somewhere between an INFP and ENFP on the Meyer's-Briggs Type Indicator, can always be found somewhere on the same cycle. I'm in search of the next big challenge, biting off more than I can chew, getting overwhelmed and often giving up and then forgetting all about that experience and moving on to the next big thing. My mind is a little like that of the dog in Up, we're having a totally grown-up conversation and then, squirrel!

So, in light of the fact that I am all about big objectives and when faced with considerable adversity, very unlikely to complete them, creating this 30 before 30 list is exactly my type of activity. First, I have a manageable checklist that is well thought out and in black and white, and second, it's posted somewhere others can see. The second part only works because, knowing others are aware of my goals, my extreme pride is the thing that will keep me moving forward. Which reminds me, C.S. Lewis says pride leads to every other vice. Perhaps working on that should be added to my list?

I've had a difficult time trimming this list down, and just like the ENFP in me, I began with a solid 50 ventures I truly wanted to see completed in the next year and half, but soon realized I have neither the money or energy to do so. In response to this dilemma, I've started a bucket list, which, hopefully, gives me a considerably larger window to complete many of the bigger objectives. But that is for another day. For now, here is the list as it stands. I'm sure to alter it in the coming weeks, but at least posting it in some form will help me begin the process of achieving, one by one:

Picnic in Front of the Eiffel Tower

This has been a dream of mine for many years now. I've been to Paris, but I really want John to see it with me. I think a perfect trip would be one with a small agenda, lots of down time to explore and shopping for lunch in a little marche and then eating our finds in the famous parc d'eiffel. Is that its actual name? It should be.

Visit Seattle, Washington

Read a Book a Month for One Year

I recently discovered two things: I have a real problem with authority and reading is one of my favorite activities. Sadly, most of the boring books you're instructed to read in high school are actually amazing, but I wouldn't know this because I couldn't get past the fact that they were mandatory. So, instead of enlightening my mind and enriching my soul by reading all of the classics while I had so much extra time on my hands, I was driving to the beach with friends, skipping class and buying the cliff notes. Since college, I began reading for fun and have really enjoyed it. It helps my writing and opens the world around me. In January I committed to reading many of the books I should have in high school, especially after hearing my students talk about which ones were great, which ones were lame and some that were just really strange. If nothing else, it's nice to say, yeah, I've read that. As of today, I'm working on my tenth book in 2014! It's been exciting and exhausting, but it's something I want to be apart of my life forever. I never want to give up reading again. I'm hoping one book a month will help me form a lifelong habit.

Explore Napa Valley

Go on a Road Trip, Covering Three or More States

My parents gave my siblings and me one of the best gifts a parent could give by taking us on road trips to many of the National parks in the US. We used to call these trips out west. I remember looking forward to summertime every year just because it meant another road trip. Sure there were hours upon hours of being cramped in the car with younger siblings, punching and screaming, not to mention a bathroom break about every half hour. But the overall experience and memories made were worth it! So, now, as an adult, I want to do this with John. One thing about our relationship is that it is never short of adventure. Maybe that's why I've never seen a dull moment with John. He is an adventurer full of imagination, which is sort of the perfect fit for me since I'm constantly on to the next thing. He's always game. I've known for a long time that a road trip together would be loads of fun, but we've just never gotten around to it.

Tent Camp

That brings me to the next grown-up thing I want to do, tent camp. I think my family did this a thousand times together, but I've never had to pack up food for several days, pitched a tent and fought off bears and other critters on my own. Maybe someplace like Vogel in Georgia or Yosemite in Cali would be fun. Or maybe Olympic National Park in Washington, which contains a real rainforest, (seeing one is actually on my bucket list).

Walk Part of the Appalachian Trail

More wilderness. I love the outdoors, but this part of the list is oddly long and surprises me. Anyway, in college, I had a friend who walked a three or four day portion of the trail and had some great stories. Since then, I've known it's something I really want to do.

Watch the Sunrise and Sunset in the Same Day

Luckily, with a home state like Florida, this one is pretty manageable. My plan would be to wake up early, drive to St. Augustine or Daytona for sunrise and then spend the day slowly making my way to the west coast. I hear Destin Beach has beautiful sunsets.

Sew a Dress

Now this is a really grown-up venture. Beyond adding a button or sewing up a hole in the armpit of a sweater, I have neither experience or knowledge in this realm. But I feel like I should. I'm hoping I could make something functional that I'll actually wear. I'd love to be able to claim I made this.

Complete a Half Marathon

Now this is the one I'm most a afraid of, and most reluctant to post. I'm worried I may not achieve it. Notice I did not say, run a half marathon. Maybe just a walk/run combination will suffice. Or maybe I'll be able to train and complete a full run. Running is one thing that I've forced myself to do on and off now for several years. The problems is, I loathe it; however, I've always wanted to complete a half marathon, even convinced my sister to join me for the Disney Princess half marathon, and then had to stop training because of stone bruises. So, here I am, years later, still hoping to achieve this one. We'll see what happens.

Watch All the Oscar Winners for Best Picture

My best friend and I started on the list years ago. And, honestly, it was more her goal than mine. But, I've always wanted to finish. The other day I looked at the list and realized, out of the 85 or more winners, I had seen at least 50! So why not kick-it-in gear and finish what I started?

Ride an Overnight Train

I've dreamt of this for years, and actually did it already. But, here in Thailand, the overnight train is not the same experience as it is in the US. I would really like to have a sleeper cabin and travel someplace exciting, just enjoying the trip. Maybe to DC??...

Visit Washington, D.C.

Okay, what an awful social studies teacher (and American!!) am I that I've never visited the capital of my country? Honestly, I've driven through with my family on the way to NYC. We got out on some side street and looked at the capitol building from afar. But it was hardly recognizable from our location and we had about 4 minutes to make the detour. I would really love to take the time and visit the museums and monuments. This could be an especially fun trip considering John's been several times and could basically act as a free tour guide :)

Grow, Harvest and Can My Own Organic Something

It could be salsa, vegetable soup, really anything would do. But with farmers for grandparents and having a mother who canned two-thirds of the vegetables I ate growing up, it's sad that I've reached this age and haven't ever grown or canned something of my own. When we head back to the States this summer, I hope to begin a more organic lifestyle in many ways. But my food, hopefully, will be the first place I start.

Take John to Charleston, South Carolina

I love the South. I think it's in my blood. Shortly after moving to Thailand, I found I missed it more than I expected. So many beautiful cities and wonderful people. I've visited Charleston briefly, found it really unique and quaint, and now I'd like for it to be some sort of weekend excursion that we do together with more time for exploring.

Learn to Ride a Motorcycle

The guys in John's family have ridden and worked on bikes for years. I've wanted to try to drive (or ride?) by myself, but it's really intimidating. I don't want to own a bike or ride alone regularly. I just want to be able to. After living in Thailand for two years, I've had to learn to operate a semi-automatic motorbike on my own, which is probably halfway there, right?

Take a Hot Air Balloon Ride

Ever since that episode of Reading Rainbow, I've been in love with hot air balloons. Their beauty, the simplicity of the way they work, the danger of getting lost in space and never coming down...all of it's a childhood fantasy for me.

See the Everglades and Lake Okeechobee

So we've established that I'm a horrible American and now, it's imperative to be honest about the fact that I'm an disappointing Floridian as well. This is one of those all-day or weekend excursions I've wanted to do. The list for places-to-visit is very long, but this trip is definitely at the top.

Visit Las Vegas

Does the Airport count? If not, then this is another trip I really must take.

Visit Los Angeles

Have Professional Pictures Taken with John

I'm thinking maybe some cheesy I Still Do pics at five years. We have to do it. We had a friend take engagement pictures for free. They turned out nice, but they definitely weren't professional. Even our photography from our wedding wasn't great. I would really like to have pictures that I'm happy with for just once. I'm thinking that finding a photographer who's creative with shots and an expert with post-editing is ideal.

Visit Miami and See South Beach

Throw a Dinner Party/Housewarming Party/Grown-up Party of Any Kind

Even at 28, I still feel like a kid sometimes. From my perspective, this is definitely an achievement that every adult should have on their resume. I know exactly who I'd invite, maybe a guest list of 15 or 20 people. I just need to figure out the venue, since we don't have a place to live in the States yet, and find something to celebrate. The latter should be simple.

Get Accepted into a Masters Program

I've thought for a few years now that I would like to become a guidance counselor. I love the one-on-one time I occasionally get with students as a teacher, getting to know them and helping them sort through problems. Guidance counseling, as far as I know, is all about that - helping students achieve the goals specific to their needs and meeting them wherever they are. I really need to stop putting this off.

Pay for Someone Else's Coffee or Meal

This would probably work best in a drive-through, I imagine. I'm thinking as discrete as possible, and maybe looking out for someone who seems to be having a rough day. If somebody did that for me, it would sure turn my day around. I want to be that anonymous person, at least once. but I hope, after I'm brave enough to do it the first time, it can be something that I do on several occasions. I need to work on being more conscious of the people and needs around me.

Play the Guitar and Sing One Song

So, in my past life, I played a little. But it's been so long and I don't think I'd remember many major chords. But I'd like to be able to sing and play at least one song by the time I'm 30.

Learn to Surf

I've never even attempted this one. Honestly, I really never desired to. Florida is not exactly known for its amazing waves. But, recently I've thought it might be fun, at least to try and get up on the board. Why not? It would be an experience.

Write a Memoir of Thailand and My Return to the US

If for no one else but myself, I have got to put some of our experiences on paper. It's been the craziest, funnest, toughest, most difficult thing I've ever done, moving to Thailand. Already, we are seeing that moving back into the culture of the US is going to be no piece of cake either. I hope to start with a daily/weekly journal just before leaving and continue it well into our assimilation back into the US. Maybe that will make for an easy transition into book form.

Make a Romantic Dinner and Eat Outside by Candlelight

This one is absolutely corny. I was embarrassed to share it with my psych students, but they were very supportive. When I was little, I thought that doing something like this was a regular adult activity. Now that I know the truth, I'm a little disappointed. I think it would be fun to do something slightly goofy and romantic like this. All that's left to do is convince John to join me.

Stretch

In middle school I remember having a doctor reprimand me for not being more limber. He said it helped with your health, especially if you were in an accident and had a long recovery ahead of you. I have no idea if it's true or not, but it's worth some looking into. Despite the health benefits, it feels good to stretch your muscles before and after running. So maybe I can kill two birds with this one. Back in my dance team days, I would have to do splits and split jumps regularly for routines. Maybe a solid split should be my goal for getting limber.

Become a Better Photographer

That's actually 31. And there are more. So, as I said before, this list is bound to evolve. But for now, these are the objectives I'm focusing on first.

Happy goal-setting and achieving!

Ashley

Chili Oil

One thing I've fallen in love with while in Thailand is chili oil. Every pizza place we've been to brings it out with the entrees. I add it to almost everything! Pizza, bread, pasta. It's that addictive. This recipe gives your olive oil a kick and a small taste of chili pepper. Chili peppers are mostly spice, but they actually have a great flavor that's often eclipsed by the heat. This oil does a terrific job of extracting that smokey taste from the chili and using it to infuse your oil.

Okay, here's how:

Pick a few nice looking, smaller chili peppers. Be sure they quite spicy. If you're using chilis as hot as mine (authentic Thai Mouse Poop chili - yeah, that's what they're called, but replace poop with something a bit more explicit), only use between 5 and 10, at most. Also, select good quality EVOO. Remember that this is Chili Oil we're making. I'd say about 90% of the flavor relies on the quality of the oil.

Next, heat about 1 - 2 cups oil in a skillet or sauce pan on medium high. Feel free to use more oil in this recipe if you have a larger container you plan to use. Once the oil is nice and hot, maybe even crackling a bit, slice up 3/4 of your chilis, removing most of the seeds, and toss them in the pan. Allow them to cook, stirring occasionally, for about 5 to 10 mins. Don't let them brown or burn.

Turn off the heat and let the oil rest for 10 to 20 minutes, an hour or more if you plan to store it in anything other than glass. Add the oil, straining out the peppers if you like, to your container (if using glass, be sure it hasn't been stored in an extremely cool place, like the fridge. If so, bring it back up to room temp first). Add the remaining whole chili peppers to your container. Just drop them in the oil. If it's still warm, they will cook a bit. That's okay. But steer clear if you hear popping sounds, because it may burn your skin. Allow it to cool down completely, then add the lid and store it in a cool, dry place. I have no idea how long this oil lasts. I would assume at least a month. If after a few weeks, you begin to see funky growth inside the container or it smells strange, toss it. It's time for a new batch.

Enjoy!

Pioneer Bread

This recipe is ridiculously simple, as far as homemade bread is concerned. I made my own variation of this recipe and call it Pioneer Bread. It tastes so very basic, but delicious, and reminds me of bread recipes of old. So, here you are! Enjoy.

Pioneer Bread

7 c all-purpose flour (8.3 c if using cake flour), plus about 3/4 c for kneading
1 tbsp salt
1-2 tbsp sugar (depending on how sweet, or not, you prefer)
5 tsp dry yeast
3 c warm water
Any herbs or flavorings you'd like (or leave it plain!)

1. Add all your dry ingredients, flour, salt, sugar, and yeast to a bowl. Sift or mix together with a fork.
2. Slowly mix in your warm water, reserving about 1 cup and setting it aside. Once combined, your mixture should be very dry. Now add the remaining water and use your clean hands to mix it all together. At this point, add any herbs or other flavorings and combine with your hands.
3. Add loose flour to a large working area. Place your dough onto the area and gently kneed for about 10 minutes. If the dough starts to become too sticky, add flour as needed. At the end of 10 minutes, the dough should be slightly springy when squeezed. 
4. Roll your dough into a big ball and add it to a large floured bowl. Place a towel or saran wrap over it and move the bowl to a warm part of your house for an hour. I put mine outside in the car.
5. After an hour, the dough should be about twice its original size.  If not, you might need to discard the dough (or use it for something else, like breadsticks) and check your yeast. Now spread a handful of flour onto the pan you will use to bake the bread. I used a cookie sheet, because I wanted my bread to be in an old-fashioned, round shape. You can use a loaf pan just as well. Set the pan aside for a minute.
6. Add more flour to your previous work space.  Remove and kneed your dough just a little more, for about 3-5 minutes. Again, shape it into a ball and place it on/in the pan. Cover it with a towel for another hour in a warm place. Hint: I like to lightly flour the top of my bread at this point, to keep my cute towel from sticking to it :)
7. After the hour is up, preheat your oven (see step #8) and remove the towel from the dough. The dough should have doubled in size again. Gently tuck under the sides of your bread. This will help the dough rise a little more into a round, rustic shape, instead of expanding outward. If using a loaf pan, no tucking needed. 
8. Bake your bread at about 245 degrees Celsius for 10 mins. Then lower the heat to 215 degrees for an additional 20-25 minutes.

We're In!!

Today marks one week that we've been in our new house. We love it! It's less than half the size of the house we moved from, but it's cozy and comfortable.

I'm slowly, but surely achieving my design goals for the house. But, it's moving a bit more slowly, and expensively, than I would've liked. I had no idea it was so difficult to track down nice, decent sized picture frames for under $10 in Chiang Mai...bleh :/ But, we're going one by one, with the hopes of about 6 total before adding it to the wall.

First, the paint. We've decided to paint the entire living room, which is actually quite small with 3 little walls, instead of just painting an accent wall. It'll be a little more like an accent room.

We're good on the glass bottles for now, but I hope to track down a few more of a different variety. Maybe in a month or so, when we're completely unpacked and settled.

For now, here's an exterior of our new, little house :)

Goals on Paper

Ok, I know. Three posts in one day. But I feel like I have to get my goals for decorating the new house down before we're there. Once I get inside a space, I'm overwhelmed by the possibilities and never seem to get ahold of my initial inspiration. Here are the first four goals that are a must to accomplish just after moving in. Many more little details to follow, I'm sure.

1. Potted Plants around the Exterior

Basically the exact look I have in mind.

Our new house is adorable and all, but it has a small, awkward concreted section in the front. It's a bit too small to be used as a patio. So my plan is to do like many of my Thai neighbors and take indigenous local plants and use it in the front of the house.

2. Decorate with Glasses

Some of the glasses I have on hand look just like these.

Before we left the States, after throwing out, selling and giving away almost everything we owned, I found that I had a fixation with colored glass bottles and the like. So, we accrued a small collection from West Elm that remained with my parents and sister (which they are currently using for decor themselves).

For now, I've found that my best bet in Chiang Mai is to recycle wine, liquor and beer bottles of various colors and sizes. While doing so, I stumbled across a unique idea of using them as candlestick holders, which create a nice look. I'll share those pics soon. For now, I need to find a few smaller bottles and get my hands on some blues.

 3. Accent Wall

Not necessarily the color I would choose, but the accent wall does a lot for tying this room together.

Okay, while I am definitely a fan of classic and simple, I'm not into the hospital look for a home. Which is exactly what our new house looks like! There is an overabundance of white, and with the particular layout of the home, it's too much. I don't always advocate accent walls, but since our intentions are to be in this place for one year, I don't want to do too much damage. What color? I'm thinking blue is safe, but finding a large, comfy, decent colored rug has been really difficult for me since we arrived. I'm talking been-to-every-store-with-a-rug-three-and-four-times-over difficult. So, as strange as it may sound, I think I may allow the right rug to dictate that color choice, as well as the style/color of new throw pillows. I also plan for those almost immediately. Nice, clean throw pillows do a lot for my comfort level in a new place.

4. Picture Frames Galor

I would LOVE to achieve anything like this with frames in the new house. But what to put in them? Hmmm...

I'm planning to acquire several picture frames in the next month or so, from all around town, and use them in the living room of the new house. Probably on one of the remaining white walls adjacent to the accent wall I hope for. This might get a bit pricey, especially if I'm looking for anything more unique than your basic 4 by 6 or 8 by 10. But I have a few ideas of where to start. We shall see about that.

The First Phase

So, today my husband and I live in Chiang Mai, Thailand. We teach in an international school, mostly designed for Christian missionaries' children from all around Asia. It has been such a challenge, but one of the most amazing experiences of my life. It's a precious experience to see the impact one can have on a single life. Also, a very humbling one. We have been blessed!

We've been here for a year and plan to stay just one more. For our second year, we will be moving to a different house. Currently, as I'm typing I have a terrific view of various boxes piled to the rim with books, clothing, shoes and other items scattered across the living room floor. John, my husband, is in the States visiting family and friends and returns this Thursday. In the meantime, my job is to pack as much of everything I can into boxes and prepare them for the move. Yikes! Not fun, especially solo. But sort of satisfying to stop and see all the work you've accomplished alone from time to time.

So, why do I consider this the first phase of my simplistic evolution? Well, I don't really. I think I've been moving in this direction for years now. This is just a really huge move for us. We decided we want a smaller house with less responsibilities. One that suites our lifestyle. So we move from a decent sized three-bedroom home, where we entertained guests very easily, to a tighter, more quaint abode. I am looking forward to it greatly, though! I think this is a bit more true to the way we live as a couple, where less is more. This will be our yearly move, as I call it. We just celebrated our third anniversary in April, and again this June/July we are relocating, as we have each year of our marriage. We will again next year. Hopefully soon after, a more permanent residence awaits us.

Our current, rather large house. Moving on to a new situation in a few short days.

John arrives late, late on Thursday evening and then we have one day for jet lag recovery (from a 25 hour + travel itinerary) and then we're off to make endless trips to the new house and back again. That gives us a solid two days to relocate. Wish me luck.

I hope to have pictures of the new house posted soon, along with a few creative decorating ideas.